Structure Versus Control: How Are You Coping With the Quarentine?

Structure and Control. These are the concepts I've been reflecting on over the past weeks of quarantine due to the COVID19 pandemic.

On this particular Saturday, I woke up with a strong need for some sense of structure. The weekend feels different than the new Monday to Friday grind--less structured, less clear of a "routine.” The work week, on the other hand, feels structured, even though it looks nothing like the routine I kept before we were asked to stay at home to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus.

These days, I am playing multiple roles at once: mother, wife, dog mom, housekeeper, cook, homeschool teacher, yoga therapist, and more. Holding so many roles at once has been quite overwhelming, as I am sure you and so many can relate, and at the same time gives me direction and purpose to these long days.

Ironically, I mostly am engaged in the same multiple roles over the weekend, but with school and work taken out of the equation, this leaves me feeling a little at loose ends, a little less connected to a clearly defined sense of purpose.

So, on this Saturday, I planned out my day while eating breakfast; filled it with tasks around the house, a short trip out to the store for essential items (which included a stop at the Starbucks drive thru) and a timeline for doing them. When my plan was in place, a voice inside asked:

Jennifer, are you packing your day to feel like you are in control or to provide structure?

I sat with this for some time. I remember what planning to be “in control” felt like. Those dark days years ago were filled with eating disorder thoughts and behaviors that numbed me out and gave me a false sense of control over time, my body, and my life. All the rituals from morning till night didn’t offer a sturdy foundation from which to thrive in a sense of purpose. Rather, these behaviors sabotaged my stability and sense of being.

Looking down on my to-do list, everything I planned had nothing to do with those old habits and rituals. Instead, it was clear to me I set up structure to help give shape to my day and purpose to my actions. Structure helps me feel grounded and present, especially during this unprecedeted time in our human history. Having tasks planned that serve my family with love and the functioning of our household helps take the edge of my anxiety about the state of the world. In the moment, they help settle my focus on “my world” and keep me feeling balanced in my roles within that small world I hold so dear.

From my reflection, I realized that, for me:

Structure is about self-care.

That old kind of control was about self-destruction.

This awareness of when we are practicing control versus structure is a valuable off-the-mat yoga practice that supports our healing. When we are in the "control zone," we must remember we CAN make a CHOICE to do it differently (and ask for support). When we are practicing structure, we can tune into how that provides a sense of connection to the present and a greater purpose.

And of course, we must be mindful to build rest into our structure, which I admit, has been a challenge because slowing down feels harder than ususal lately.

So, control or structure? How are you shaping your days? What tasks and activities are you including in your day to provide structure (this includes meals and snacks)?

Ultimately, remember: what’s most important about structure and control isn’t what we are “doing,” rather, it's the mindset connected to the WHY you are doing what you are doing. Our yoga practice of self-study helps us to stay aware of our mindset and hold oursevles accountable for those times we veer away away from self-care toward self-destructiona and vice versa.