My Fence (Poem)

By D. Collins, guest contributor

The battered fence I sit upon is weathered, like me, but still standing. It leans slightly to the left; it appears quite fragile to an outsider, yet this is one strong fence! Built years ago, this fence was necessary. This fence was crucial to my survival.

Although it is worn, it is still able to bear my weight as I sit on top of it and watch.

What am I watching?

I watch life pass by. I am safe on my fence perched up high. No one can hurt me; everyone disappoints me down there. Here, I am safe. I understand myself better than anyone. I know what I need, they don’t. I know how to keep safe up here alone.

Hey, why do I even watch the world on this other side? If I am fine, why am I longing? Dare I admit I am lonely?

I long to have friends. I long to be involved and make a difference. I long to find peace and love within my soul. I am searching as I sit on my fence. But can I truly find what I need suspended up here?

I need to hop off this rickety old fence. Yes, I hear this message loud and clear….

I shift my weight to my stomach and teeter. I imagine sliding down slowly until my feet make contact with the sand below. How will this feel to be grounded again, to give myself another chance?

“NO!” I scream. “I cant!”

But…

“I cant pretend anymore!”

My fence starts to wiggle; it begins to move as I become more and more emotional.

My fence is scaring me, it wiggles again, it wobbles as I shift.

I take a slow inhale and exhale ever so gently. “Please fence, don’t break!”

I watch a golden and black butterfly dance above my head and I imagine flying, I imagine freedom. I scream, I cry, I close my eyes.

I jump.

I land in a childlike pose and just hold myself. I feel the sand. I feel the sun.

I hear, I see, I feel. My childlike sobs don’t stop, they feel good.

I am alive.

I want life.

The fence falters as the wind sweeps across my face. Is it waving goodbye?

Goodbye fence.

You were so good to me. You rescued me. You saved me. I know you’ll hold my secrets safe.

I am alive, goodbye fence, goodbye!