Practicing Appreciation In Recovery: How it Helps
Heather’s love of animals has helped her focus on and practice appreciation in her recovery and life.
Over on the Yoga for Eating Disorders Community Facebook Group, I invited Heather Jacoby to share about how she practices the aparigraha (appreciation) in her eating disorder recovery. Aparigraha, often translated as non-grasping or non-attachment, is the last of the five yamas (restraints) described in the Yoga Sutra, and guides us to cultivate attitudes of gratitude and abundance. I am so grateful to Heather for sharing her experience with us, and I hope you find inspiration in her words.
What does being appreciative in your recovery mean to you?
One of my favorite authors/illustrators is Charlie Macksey who is known for his book, The boy, the Mole the Fox and the Horse as well as his drawings with words of wisdom, mostly from the animals. On one of his most recent illustrations he wrote, “The funny thing is” said the mole… “the tiniest act kindness can save a life.” These tiny acts of kindness, love, beauty or stillness is what I am most appreciative of when it comes to my journey of healing. I am not the biggest fan of the word, Recovery, because to me, it really is, and has been a journey. Being appreciative in my journey means noticing the in-between moments rather than reaching some big goal or major deadline.
In eating disorder recovery, we are often given target numbers, whether it be calories or numbers on a scale; plus or minus. Reduce that, increase this…all these comments ultimately lead to reinforcing core beliefs of , “I am too much”, “I am not enough”, *insert any other core belief here*. To me, it inevitably becomes overwhelming and sometimes induces a feeling of hopelessness, and, at times, despair. Fortunately, I found yoga, animals and an amazing family who have been true teachers of the in-between moments. When I focus my awareness and remain truly in the moment, appreciating what is, right then, I am more able to see how far I’ve come and keep my focus on where am going. The little things, are what I am most grateful for.
What are the red flags that let you know when you are clinging to the eating disorder or other things that are barriers to appreciation?
The first red flag for me is isolating from my friends and family, two and four legged included. Being alone and disconnecting from others was a major factor that fueled my eating disorder in the first place. The second red flag is when my space starts to become disorganized. Feelings of being overwhelmed and alone creep in and it begins a slippery slope toward depression and not caring for myself; body, mind or spirit. When this happens, I lose focus of gratitude and instead can get swept away in a domino effect of old beliefs and thought patterns of being undeserving of living a full life. This ultimately leads to looking to eating disordered thoughts and behaviors for some semblance relief and comfort. Obviously, these thoughts are not true and it is in these moments, I need to come back to gratitude for all that is beautiful in my life. For me, the easiest way out of this spiral is to focus my attention on animals, they are truly amazing teachers.
How has focusing on appreciation or gratitude helped you heal?
Focusing on appreciation and gratitude have helped me to heal in so many ways. Before learning the skill of shifting my awareness from a “lack of…” mindset, I easily fell into the compare and despair trap. Although I can find myself going down that path, noticing the smallest of things can have such an impact and completely change my outlook. For example, someone saying, “text me when you get home”, my morning routine with my cat purring away happily on my chest, the way a vine wraps itself around a tree to climb higher, or a soft kiss on the velvety nose of my sweet horse, Little Ben. None of these things have anything to do with a number on a scale, they are all free and patiently wait for me to share in the moment.